I mentioned the proverbial “fat suit” for the first time a couple of posts ago.
I know that I often use language that implies that I am not responsible for my current state of obesity. I often share experiences which imply that other people simply do not understand. I believe those things have truth.
No matter how I tiptoe around it, I also know that I do not like to admit that I am fat because I made myself this way. I don’t want to say that I overeat, that I am an emotional eater, that I use food to fulfill gaps in my emotional wellbeing, or that I just might feel safer in my fat suit than in any other state of being. But, those things also have truth.
There are many ways for an individual to protect themselves physically and emotionally. Being a person who simply wanted to fade into the background, wanted to be ignored, wanted to not be noticed by sexual predators, I may have subconsciously built a guard around myself. An armor of fat instead of steel to keep the villains at bay.
As I have grown into adulthood and overcome and understood my past experiences I have yet to grow out of the mindset that tells me I need this armor. No matter how strong I know I am, no matter how prepared and capable I am to defend myself if I need to, I still hold on to this armor.
I feel it is a crutch. It is an armor that weighs me down, blocks me from being seen truly as I am.
How does one remove this emotional need to be protected? How will I be able to let go of my armor, and lose it completely? I don’t know the next step.
No comments:
Post a Comment